fracturedrp | Naked and Confused

Skip to Main Content

Entry tags:

Naked and Confused

Ianto had been led into the dingy apartment of that Jack who recovered him when he was left to just four legs, a cold wet nose and a yellow fur coat. He's laying there in the bed of the other man with nothing on. He stirs in his sleep, it feels right the cotton sheets on his bare flesh.

Ianto is slow to wake-up, he yawns as he stares at the ceiling. "Ugh.." He mumbles to himself, and he turns his head to look around the room. His eyes settle on the discarded gray greatcoat on a chair. "How did I?" He tries to think how he ended up naked in the bed of a Jack.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The slight movement in the bed next to him draws him out of his sleep. He's confused a brief moment, but remembers the Lab he brought home. It's the 'Ugh' that makes his eyes fly open. Jack spin around in the covers to face the side of the bed that the sound came from. His eyes fall on some one that shouldn't be there.

Blinking, confused and nearly sure he must be dreaming the captain sits up. "What?" His eyes sweep over the naked Welshman laying next to him. It's impossible. This has got to be the cruelest trick the universe has pulled on him since it took Ianto from him. "Ianto?" He whispers afraid that speaking the name will make the man vanish.

Ianto is just sitting there on the bed, he has a faint idea as to how he got here but not all of the details. It's no joke, Ianto's there in the bed of a strange Jack.

"How did I? Shit!" There's a bit of panic in the look of his eyes, he's aware there are Jacks who wander around collecting Ianto Jones to fill in the void of those that were lost. Ianto just stares at Jack for a moment, his mind is muddled from the time he spent as a dog.

"How'd I end up in your bed? You didn't drug me and drag me here did you?" There's a sharpness in the Welshman's voice and he drags the sheet over on top of his lap.

Jack stares. God he probably looks like a real creep. Not his. He sighs. "No. I didn't." He shakes his head. putting up his hands. The panicked expression on the Welshman's face is almost more than Jack can take. The universe loves to hate him. It gave him back his love, but only in form the man clutching the sheet in the bed next to him isn't /his/. "I brought home a /dog/ last night. A yellow lab. I thought...he might have been you. I guess i was right. But you aren't..him..you're just a version of him that isn't mine. I shouldn't let myself believe things like getting him back are possible."

Jack slips out of the bed. He's dressed still in his undershirt and pants at least, and makes his way to the small closet. The captain pulls out a pair of pants and another under shirt and places it on the end of the bed. Jack has a to resist the urge to touch him, and simply walks back to the doorway to the small room and nods at the clothing. "They're mine, but they're clothes. it's not much, but it's something. I'll go make us some coffee. It's not as good as yours, but it's something. When ever you're ready I'll be out there."

The immortal steps out of the room without waiting for a response. He can tell the Welshman is every bit as confused as he is. It's best he doesn't push. When he reaches the small kitchen area he braces himself with both hands on the counter and hangs his head. It isn't fair. He takes a deep breath and slams his fist down /hard/ on the cheep counter top producing a thunderous 'bang'. He bites the inside of his cheek and begins to make a pot of coffee. The captain wonders if he even has two mugs. He's never brought /anyone/ back here, not even Gwen or Rhys. He searches the cabinets while he waits for both the coffee pot and the Ianto that isn't his.

"No, no," Ianto sighs, he didn't mean for it to come out like that, as he lowers his head to look at the pattern of wrinkles on the sheets. Ianto lifts his head up to stare at Jack for a bit. "I'm sorry, really I'm sorry." His voice cracks again, Jack in pain is a horrible thing. He's seen his take to the shadows during the time he was recovering after his grandson's loss.

Ianto sits there for a moment, he barely remembers his time as a dog and something tells him he might of liked to. He takes hold of Jack's pants and the undershirt, while they're close in height Jack is still wider than the Welshman. He stares at the clothing, and he slides the pleasant smelling undershirt over his head. "It's okay, I recall how much my own liked seeing me in his own clothing. You never could fit in one of my suits." Ianto tries hard to soften the blow this Jack just suffered.

He's going to protest Jack making him coffee, as he slides out of bed without the pants. He's going to investigate the bang of the hand on the counter, he looks like a kid in his big brother's pants right now. "Here let me get that for you." He goes to look around for another mug or even a jar to put the coffee in. He knows this has to be hard for Jack, things haven't been easy for him.

There's that faint scar on his cheek that the sunlight catches. Ianto's past the time from the HUBs destruction. "I'll tell you about why I'm still alive later. I'll order us a pizza if you'd like." It's nice to be back in Wales, Ianto has grown to miss his home country. While New York was nice, home is still has it's charm.

The Welshman exits the bedroom and Jack can barely bring himself to look at him. He keeps his gaze low as the 'ghost' moves around his kitchen. Taking care of him. Always taking care of him. The immortal takes a step back staying out of the way. The younger man will find everything he needs or make due with what he can find.

The captain spots the slight scar on this Ianto's cheek. The scar from the scratch received from escaping the Hub explosion. The scratch that on the cheek of his own Ianto barely had a chance to scab. He lets out a sigh. "I'm sorry. This." His voice is choked with emotion. "This..fuck..This isn't how I ever wanted you to see me. Shattered. Even if you aren't him, you're still enough him to make this...very difficult."

Jack clenches his fist in an effort to not touch and slinks further away toward the cramped living area and worn out couch. "I.." He swallows and works his brain to form the words. "I don't want to know. I don't want to know that..Something could have been changed..No thank you." The immortal forces a tight lipped smile. "I wouldn't mind pizza though..I miss you taking care of me. I don't do so well on my own."

Ianto is starting to wonder if that's simply his own reason to exist, to take care of a man from the far future. He lowers his head, this isn't right if it's been so soon. "I'll make the coffee then." It's not his coffee machine in New York, that machine is unique and has a sense of survival against anyone who isn't Ianto.

He's got the coffee ready and he turns to just look at Jack. There's that sad look on his own eyes. He's crap at trying to comfort people, he really is. He looks himself over in Jack's shirt and pants. He managed to snag a pair of socks before making his way into the kitchen. Ianto just holds onto a pair of mugs, he's seen Jacks in all different ways and somehow he comes to try to help. The bitter feelings have been pushed down to his feet. "It's okay, you miss him. I don't mind you being hurt and in mourning still. I'd be worried if you got over him quickly."

This is a good sign, at least it has always proved Mairywn wrong that Jack got over him quick. "You never did get over my death. None of the ones I've met have." Ianto mutters, as he nods his head. He respects that wish to not tell Jack, it was all by his hand that some Iantos who said yes, did more damage than the one who said, no in the end.

"I still have Jublie's number memorized after all these years," Ianto laughs, he's eaten amazing pizza lately but still the pizza home was good. It was the pizza he shared with his Jack, with or without clothing.

He remains in the kitchen, he can tell Jack's still a bachelor and even with his married and expecting a family it never changed. "You're a bachelor until the end of time, I'm used to it and it's part of the requirements to date you."

Years? The immortal blinks stupidly at the Welshman and takes the mug of coffee, pushing down the pang of sadness that tries to force tears from his eyes. He shakes his head. "Years? It hasn't even been two yet. Not for me at least. I left after yo- he died. I couldn't stay gone though, I was drawn back like a moth to a flame. Gwen an Rhys have a baby, a boy, they wanted to name him after y-him..I wouldn't allow it. I was selfish, but I didn't want to have to say your name unless it was because I was talking about/to you."

Jack sinks back onto the sofa, a faint smile plays on his lips, but doesn't linger. "I'd never forget you. It hasn't been long for me, but it still feels like yesterday. I shouldn't have let you come with me. It was reckless and stupid. Taking you into Thames house was just the first in a series of mistakes I made that day and the days to follow."

It may not me him, but it is in a way, and talking about what happened and how he feels, is a great relief. The immortal has, until now, not spoken with anyone about /this/. He's stubbornly refused claiming he's 'fine' or 'will be fine'. The only person he's wanted to talk to is here, and even if it really isn't /him/, the Welshman at least knows the captain well enough. Jack isn't really that surprised at how easily he falls back into the comfortable feeling of belonging when he's in the younger man's company. "You've met other me's? That's funny. I suppose I might have met other you's if I'd opened my eyes, but since I lost you and I came home I've spent most of my time here."

He sips from his mug savoring the flavor of the coffee, even if is the same coffee he has made a hundred times, this cup is special. "Gwen calls me she makes sure I eat. I know I'm a burden on her, but she'll never say it. We all miss you terribly so, we miss everyone T..Tosh and even Owen. It just isn't the same. I'm not the same. I don't know if I'll ever be." Jack looks up finally..struggling again to find the words before emotions over take him. "I should have told you I loved you too. You aren't him...but I'm sorry I didn't. Maybe telling you will make me feel better." The broken captain takes another sip from his mug and sit silent. It probably isn't going to help him, but at least admitting his mistake is a start.

"Yeah, some of you go hundreds of years, again a story for another day," Ianto says softly, he comes back with Jack's coffee. He knows exactly what the immortal likes, his coffee black and strong. He smiles a bit. "It's been close to five here. Your sense of duty is strong, and I know it must be hard for you."

Ianto could only imagine how hard it must be for him to be here. There's a ping in the back of his head, but it'd be unfair to the other Ianto or Patrick to go with what his heart is saying. He takes a seat on the couch. Ianto doesn't say anything, his Jack did leave him behind after they argued. Ianto sometimes feels they were all selfish, the New York branch. He takes a deep breath, really he isn't sure what to say, so he says nothing. His eyes seem to do it for him, there's a faint tear in the corner of his eye.

Even if he was the elder of the original two, Iantos still have a reputation to simply be ... drippy ..."You would of liked the two I knew. I haven't seen both in months, it's how this place works sometimes. This place must be brutal, especially New York a city of ghosts."

"I'm glad nobody is forgotten. It's good to know this, but I know it won't be any easier on my own when that time comes. He's got a wife now and he's an expected father, it's okay," Ianto doesn't say much, but he'll add to make Jack at least not worry. "I ended the relationship. It was complicated."

Ianto gives him a nod, maybe that's what his job will be Torchwood New York's second officer and Captain Jack social worker. He's wondering if he'd end up like Theta's Jack a collector of Jacks. He's just about to take a drink of his coffee, then the words hit him. He knows that's directed to the other Ianto, but there's something he never heard from his Gwen swooning Harkness who had him as a year long shag. "It makes me happy to know us Iantos are appreciated for more than just a cup of coffee, a good shag and a nice arse."

The captain holds his mug in both hands willing them to stop shaking. He looks over at the younger man, who is older than his and here /alive/. Some where out there a version of him didn't make the same mistake he did and he's still there. "It might have started out that way. I don't think either of us intended for our relationship to be what it ended up." Jack looks at the Welshman and smiles. "Certainly didn't expect to..to love you like I di--like I do."

Jack chuckles a bit sadly. "Oh Yan..We couldn't forget you. You were important. Maybe I didn't tell you that enough. You were my friend, probably the best friend I ever had. I never had to worry, I knew you had my back. You were the first person in a great long while I truly trusted. You were my lover and quite possibly my soul mate. I lost a part of me that day in the Thames house, the better part. I'm empty without you. AND the worst part is you'd want me to move on. I just can't...not yet. I feel like I'm letting you down everyday that I'm like..." He gestures at himself and then at his surroundings. "...this. I just can't help it. I..don't want..I..don't want anyone else. Shit..I'm sorry."

The immortal catches himself as he tries to touch the Ianto who isn't his, and pulls his hand back taking a firm grip on his coffee mug again. "What happened? No never mind. It's not my business. I can't ever see myself actually settling down to have /another/ family. It never works out well for me."

Parallel universes layered like paper, stacked back to back. The Rift is a funny thing like a tear in the sheet it lets things spill back into Cardiff from the other sheets. Apparently, this time it spilled /him/. The captain never has understood why it seems like he's the universes punching bag. Maybe it's for the same reason the TARDIS took him as far out as she did. The reason the doctor told him he was 'wrong and shouldn't exist'. Jack Harkness the fixed point in time and cosmic practical joke.

Ianto's a little nervous, he's a little nervous that maybe there's that Rift that he found as a damned dog that closed. He maybe left here with a different Jack. He forces a small smile on his face himself. "No, nobody did but well this universe is strange. I'm sure there's a Rift leading back to New York, it's just a matter of us finding it."

He places his coffee down, and he goes to place his hands on Jack's. He remembers the dry and warm hands of Jack's, the way he would make him feel on those damp and cold rainy nights. "I still love my own Jack, but it's not in that way anymore."

Ianto continues to hold on to this poor Jack's hands, he's playing him right into his hands. Ianto's own empathetic nature lets him fall for this. "It's good to hear this, you're breaking my own heart with this. I'm sure your Ianto feels the same." He's happy to be able to talk now, those soft blue eyes are where they should be.

"I suppose it doesn't, but the need to try again must of been strong. You've married before, mine told me about the others. Her name's Alisa, I'm sure my Jack can make arrangements to meet with you. The two of you might be able to help each other," Ianto suggests, he's starting to sometimes feel his strain as the Jack Harkness social worker. This one isn't too bad, he doesn't try to kill himself.

He tries to make Jack seem not to be a bad man. "I know there's others like my own, they've found that place. I was important to you in that way, well that yes even Jack Harkness can find happiness."

Edited 2010-10-18 04:41 (UTC)

Jack nods. New York. So far from home. Why would they ever go to New York? The Rift is here in Cardiff. Cardiff has always been Jack's home. He decided to save the questions for later. "I'm sure we'll figure something out. We'll get you.." He sighs..fuck this is entirely too hard. "We'll get you home."

He oddly has the strongest urge to jerk away when the younger man's hands rest over his, but he fights it. Jack closes his eyes and takes comfort in the familiar feeling. They aren't his, but they're just the same. They might be a bit rougher, but they're close enough. "He's so luckly to still have you..even...even if it's not the same. I hope he knows that. If I could fix it. If I could go back and save you I would. I'd do it a thousand times."

The immortal lets out a shaky breath and forces his eyes open again and finds himself looking right into the Welshman's eyes. "Fuck.." He breathes and fights back the soft whine that tires to push itself past his lips. "I'm sorry. I just thought..Maybe talking about it would help. I've never been one to share how I feel."

Blue, crystal clear, like the waters off some exotic island Ianto's eyes look back at him. He nods simply finding himself unable to look away from the face of the man before him. So much like his own lost lover's, but so different at the same time. "Marriage wasn't easy in my line of work. Maybe now for him things are different. Maybe you're right. Maybe we can."

"Sometimes..." He chuckles a bit sadly. "No...not sometimes..lately its most of the time. I think..I'm not meant to be happy. I'm meant to be what I am, and it's as simple as that. Why should I keep setting myself up for the heartbreak I know is coming? Why should I keep making myself suffer over and over? It's not worth /this/..What I am now..Happiness isn't worth this pain. I'm better off not trying. You, Tosh, Owen, Gwen and..yeah now even Rhys were the closest to family I'd had in a very long time..Look what happened to /you./ What happened because you /all/ knew me. After you..I decided Gwen is the last of my attachments. When she's gone I'll be alone, and no one else will have to pay for knowing me."

Ianto has grown to miss Cardiff, but he ended up finding someone in his time in New York. He begins to wonder if he could just leave that mess to stay here. "I'm sure you will. The HUB is it still gone?" Ianto asks, he still misses that HUB terribly. He's got many wonderful and not so wonderful memories of it. It was home for the Welshman.

He feels Jack's tenseness in his hands, Ianto begins to push aside the possibilities that he could be stuck here. Maybe this is part of his fate, that stupid multi-tracked dog mind he had. Then again it could be fate. "He's going to loose us at some point." Ianto wonders if he could talk, or if he should. "I-I-I...knew of Tosh and Owen's deaths. I knew it before they happened. I knew about my own. I saw them happen." His voice begins to crack, as if he's seeing what could of been the fragile state of his own immortal. "A traveler showed me. I-I-I could of did what was right, to forget but I didn't. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing my Jack break."

Ianto's hands tremble, those blue eyes begin to tear up. He never told anyone what happened, he doesn't know if this Jack's Ianto ran into the same traveler he did. "I sacrificed my relationship with him, so he wouldn't leave us."

"Yes, yes, yes you are made to be happy. He still made a sacrifice for everyone, but no marriage is never easy. We all know Torchwood and children aren't made to be, even his wife knows this," Ianto's worried, he's worried for his own Jack. He still cares deeply about his immortal, deeper than anyone would ever know. "You shouldn't be alone. It's terrible to see any Jack like this."

There's a catch in his breath at the mention of the HUB. The captain nods slowly. "The HUB is still gone. After..They're working on it. They want me to go back. I'm not sure if I will. I haven't decided." Jack's expression changes his sad eyes flash with anger, his tone bitter. "No apology. Nothing. They tried to kill us. And they expect me to just forget. That's they way it's always been with them though." He shrugs and looks at the younger man all traces of the previous flash of anger melts away when he gazes in those eyes.

Oh those /eyes/ the deep wells of patience and caring, Jack never did understand how his own Ianto had so much patience for him. And how he use to test it. He never did find the end of it though. He may never have. Some how Ianto Jones had a never ending supply of patience. "Did yours tell you about any of the past? I told mine some. Never too much at one time though the truth is /a lot/ to handle. I never got to finish."

The immortal looks at the Welshman, blinking, shocked. What? Wait. That's...Traveler? Time travelers know they aren't suppose to..Why? Did his know? No. He couldn't have. How could he and leave him...like..this? He wouldn't. No. "If he did?" Jack trembles and makes a strangled sound. "Ohgod what if he did...Is this what he..why would he do /this/ to me? I don't understand...If he did..Why not do what you did? Why leave me..why make me this..I.." Whatever little bit of composure melts away. This realization is...worse than having to sit here with this 'ghost' of his lost lover.

"You..." Fuck Harkness. Maybe you don't need to know. Maybe you're just making assumptions. He may not have known. He couldn't have known. "I..don't understand."

He wants to brush the tears off his cheeks. Shit he wants to pull him in and hold him, but the voice in the back of his head whispers the reminder 'not yours'. The captain shakes his head. "No. I'm really not. I'm not meant to be happy. I'm suppose to be dead. I die. On the Gamestation almost a hundred and fifty years ago. The dead can't be happy."

With out thinking the immortal brings his hands still covered by the Welshman's to his cheek and rubs one against it closing his eyes. Wishing. "No. I should be alone. I'll be fine."

He lies. It's what he does. Tell them what they want to hear. Pull the wool over their eyes find a useful distraction and side step personal questions. Once a con always a con. You never lose it. He should go back to that, being the bastard con man he was after he left the Time Agency. No attachments. That's who he is. Deep down. A shadow. A wraith. A ghost. He's no hero. A hero isn't this selfish. No Jack never wanted to be a hero. He just wanted to turn a profit. Take back from the time agency something for what they took from him. Money in payment for the two years lost.

It was easier then, but that was before the Doctor, before Rose and the Gamestation. Now he has this...'gift'..this 'curse'..this 'ability' that the government says makes him 'a valuable asset'. For Jack Harkness 'valuable asset' means slave. He may have ran Torchwood the way he wanted, but the powers that be in the government proved that no matter what they still own him. "I'll end up going back. I always do. They hold my leash. It's been like that since the beginning." The captain whispers more to himself than to the younger man whose hand he's still affectionately rubbing against his cheek.

Ianto's eyes closed, he knew the reason behind their move to America, the betrayal to Jack and everyone was too much. Ianto heard from the others who were detained when they returned. "It's why we went to America. It's not bad, but it's not Cardiff either. The Rift? It's global, it's far worse than what we even expected it to be." He holds a belief that he did this.

He nods his head a little bit. "He told me somethings. He began to slowly open up to us more." Ianto found the dirt, the romancing of Gwen made him feel bitter and he may of been just something on the side.

"Maybe she never came to him. I don't know why he didn't refuse that pill if she did," Ianto's voice cracks, he bites at his lip with his eyes closing tight. "I-I-I'm sorry for telling you this. We're paying for the consequences, the universe had became fractured. Mad Time Lords, insane captains and meta-crisis killing each other. The rules of the universe, the rules of the job to never interfere with the time lines." Ianto's voice cracks more, and he trembles a bit to think about it. The year has been a very long one, a very long one. "I've seen a world that gave the 456 it's children."

Ianto tries to think, Patrick, he may never see Patrick again if the Rifts have their way. He grabs hold of Jack tightly, he looks at him with his glassy blue eyes. "But you're not. I think the universe needs you Jack. The universes need you. Captain Jack Harkness a man with the largest heart in the universe should be happy."

There's that feeling of Jack's face on his hands, the smooth skin against his own hands. "You won't be. There's people who need you. You have no idea what you've done to me, the man I've became." He has no need to pull up the events from Lisa. He didn't forget her, but he's over her death. "You've made everyone better people. A team of selfless human beings. With you being the most selfless person in there, you sacrifice everything for everyone else."

He knew what was said to his own Jack, but it wasn't by him. "Thank you, thank you for your sacrifice for all of us." Ianto wants to just forget Patrick or anyone else for now. There's a Jack who needs him. "You, you can come back with me to New York. You can be a free man like my own Jack. Nobody owns him anymore."

There's a tiny smile on his face, while Jack still holds on to his hand and rubs it against his cheek. He places his arm around him to hold Jack. Sometimes even Jack needs to be held.

"I see..." That's the best response he's got. Running to New York? No. That probably won't stop them. It'll slow them down sure. but it won't stop them. He's pulled from his thoughts, because wheat the Welshman says makes perfect sense. The Rift would have to be spreading. It's been abused a few too many times. The consequences..Well not all of them bad. He's looking at one of the more or less not bad consequences right now.

A world where the 456 got it's children? Where was he? He would never have allowed it. He would have done anything to stop them. He did, but that was pay back. Pay back for taking him.

"Good. You deserved to know. I told mine about Alice and Emily, about 'The year that never was' I told him about all of my suffering, all the terrible and not so terrible things I'd done. I didn't get to finish. I always worried that knowing would make him want to run away. That he wouldn't see me the same." Teary eyed the captain feels his voice trying to fail him so he stops a moment.

He chuckles humorlessly. "The universe needs a sucker. And my big heart makes me the prefect patsy." Bitter, Jack, you're so bitter. Why not? The universe thought it would be nice to allow Rose to look into the heart of the TARDIS. It thought it might be amusing to give this girl the power to stop the Daleks /and/ restore life. It thought that it might be a hoot to give this mortal man immortality /and/ make it possible for him to die, but not stay dead. The universe. Cruel and heartless. Thought making this pathetic immortal man love the archivist, after they started their relationship based on nothing more than what started out as angry meaningless fucks. Making them a 'couple'. God that word..he wishes now he hadn't said he hated it that day standing in the HUB.

And he's sure it snickered at him when it snatched his lover from him while he held him in his arms. Fucking bitch the universe. Fuck her. She doesn't need him. Not like this Ianto, who in another twist of the knife, the universe has cruelly tossed into his lap. So much like his own but so different.

"But look at me...That's not me..I didn't do those things for you. I lost /everyone/. I didn't do anything to make any of you better. I sacrificed my own grandson because I was angry. I lost you. I had nothing left to lose. It wasn't selfless it was spiteful. Don't thank me. I mean I did it for you, but for all the wrong reasons."

New York? Away from Cardiff? The only time he'd ever been away from Cardiff was during the Wars and when he traveled with the Doctor. No No New York, he belongs in Cardiff. The captain sighs softly and leans heavily against the younger man. Closing his eyes and relishing the familiar feeling of his body against him. With realizing he's speaking out loud he mumbles as he brushes your fingers across his lips. "I don't want to leave here...I always hoped that one day it would bring you back."

Ianto knows America isn't home, his family is in Cardiff but how could he see his family again? He knows the family he has here sees him as being dead, Gwen and Rhys knew it also. A shiver runs down the Welshman's spine, he feels the need to stay with this Jack. The Rift is beyond bad, but they're fortunate enough it can have its quiet days.

"Estelle he told me about, that year he told all of us about," Ianto was taken by surprise when he learned of Alice, the one secret that came out too late and at the end of their relationship. He wasn't exactly happy about this.

Ianto crinkles his brow, there's a fierce shake of his head. "You're not. There's people that need you. There will be people through out time who will need you. It's, it's okay for you to move on when that time is right. You're a good man Harkness." Two years after the death of someone so close, to loose everything is not enough time to heal. Ianto knows this, it took Jack to get him over Lisa's death. There's nights he still dreams of seeing his team shooting her dead in front of him. "You could of killed me that day. But you didn't."

He rests his head on this Jack's chest, he listens to the comforting sound of his heart like he did before. Ianto remembers letting Jack spend many cold nights in his flat, those nights where he would stare at the man as he slept.

"It might not be bad, maybe for a little bit?" Ianto simply asks, a change of scenery to remove him from some of those bad memories that haunt him. Ianto's eyes close, as Jack brings his fingers along his lips. This is going make it much harder for him to want to leave here. "I'll be there."

"No. Alice Guppy and Emily Holroyd. They were the Torchwood agents that discovered me and what I could do here in Cardiff, in 1899. They watched me comeback to life. They tortured me for a bit. They...they figured out I could be useful, I was offered a job I refused, but later I found out I had to wait more than a century for my Doctor to come back. I took the job, that the con artist in me was willing to do anything if the price was right. I didn't have much a choice back then. In order to stay close to the Rift and not be in the Cells. I had to be their 'go to guy'."

Jack shudders at the memory. They beat him tortured him, killed him just because they could. His eventual 'employment' conditional on him doing what he was told without resistance. "Did he tell you about the 'freelance' days? About the terrible things I've done? I'm not the great man everyone thinks I am." He shakes his head.

Ianto. Estelle. Lucia. His daughter Alice. His life is a train wreck of failures. Failure's he's powerless to stop. He's no hero. Why do people insist that he is?

"The 'Year that Never Was'? Did he tell you that it was our fault? The Doctor, Martha and I? That it happened because we tried save those people? Did you ever watch yours when he woke up screaming over the torture he suffered at the hands of the Master that year? Mine did. He watched me. He worried. He wanted to do something /anything/ to save me from my nightmares. And in the end...He ended up dying in my worst nightmare of all...I couldn't save him."

"Maybe. there are people who do need me..I..I just d.d..don't know anymore."

Jack locks his red rimmed eyes with the sparking blue of the Welshman who isn't his and whispers. "I could have. But I didn't. I see now." The immortal nods. "I see what you were going through. She was gone, Yan and you were clinging to hope. I realize this now more than ever, because I'm doing the same thing."

The soft gasp that escapes him when the 'ghost' rests his head on his chest surprises even him. He feels like and ass for the way his body tenses. It takes him a moment to figure out whether he want to wrap the arm not currently occupied with Ianto's hand around him. Jack silently curses his heart for quickening. How many nights did the fall asleep like this? How many sleepless nights had the immortal spend wishing he could feel the comforting weight of his lover against him again? And now he has his wish he's going to waste it in a moment of doubt, and panic? No, he won't let that happen. He has a chance, if even for a moment...

He hears the desperate whine in his ears before he realizes it's coming from him. "Okay." The captain sighs and looks at the Welshman. New York? The last time he was there it ended badly, but this is different over a hundred years had passed since that say in 1892, when that man shot him though the heart. When he first realized what he could..or rather what he couldn't do. Jack surely can't expect him to stay here. He's dead. It wouldn't work. He'd have to stay hidden. That's no life for him. He'll do it because /he/ asked. Even if it isn't really /him/. Jack rest the younger man's hand on his chest and moves his own to brush the backs of his fingers across his cheek whispering softly. "When we figure out how to get you home...I'll go. For a little bit."

"Ah, right those two," Ianto recalls reading their names on almost everything in the Archives dating back to the end of the 19th century. The things that were done to alien life were far different then. He listens and he nods. "I remember those stories."

Ianto know there was reason for Jack to be loved, that not everyone is seeking to take advantage of him and cause him harm. He knew that Torchwood was his baby, and he would of done anything to keep it for him.

"I have, his wife has seen it also, the need to comfort him during those nights," The two of them know it's became Jack's need for anything physical from sex to simply holding on tight to him. "He still needs help, it's not as bad as it once was. The nightmares haven't completely gone."

Ianto swallows down hard, he knew that was to be his own fate. He couldn't get over the idea of Jack simply getting over him so quick. He buried his head into Jack's arm. This one is proving everything he saw to be a lie.

"They do need you," Ianto repeats himself, even if he had just met this Jack there's that need to not let go. He fears what will happen to him if he does. "He needs you to be the Jack we all know, do it all in his honor. In Ianto's name. He's very happy to know he was still loved."

He lifts his head up to stare back up at Jack. "You made me a better person." Ianto speaks, he speaks as if this were his own Jack. "We need each other. I was an idiot to let him go."

He knows he's a ghost, everyone in New York is a ghost to this Jack and many others. His head rests back on Jack's shoulder, the warm and comfort of his pounding heart.

He fights a smile through the sadness, the wit that helps make Ianto Jones, Ianto Jones is still there. "He told me about Ellis Island. It's not like what you see on the telly either." The lurking among the shadows happens, but they're simply free from any favors for now. Ianto would like to stay here. "It's not bad here. There's no mad Time Lords who eat Jacks, no insane half-breads in a Red TARDIS or Doctors who play Operation on my Jack." Ianto knows he'd have to be kept hidden.

He closes his eyes, he's enjoying the close contact from this Jack. His worries of being locked in here evaporate. If there was a perfect world the 456 would of never returned. His hand clenches the cotton fabric of Jack's shirt, as he takes in a deep breath of Jack's scent. Patrick can never come close to providing Ianto with some of his needs.

The immortal nods. At least he was important enough to his to share. Jack's own Welshman after the initial betrayal over Lisa earned back the captain's trust. Eventually, becoming the first person in Jack's long life that he felt comfortable confide in. He misses that aspect of their relationship. He misses having him to talk to. He just can't bring himself to get that close to anyone else. "Good. Or what I mean is. It's good to know yours was close enough to you to share. You were the only person I ever got that close to."

The nightmares. The ones from the 'Year that never was' were terrible. The captain often woke up sweaty, scared and screaming. Panicked, panting and near tears he clung to Ianto while the younger man did whatever he could think of to soothe his captain. The ones that followed the '456'? Jack had never had nightmares as vivid as these and even now he nearly refuses to sleep unless he knows he's going pass out from exhaustion. Even then there's no guarantee he wasn't going to wake up tangled in the sheets and crying. Cursing everyone for stealing him.

"They don't. They need someone better than me." He swallows the lump that forms in his throat. "He needed me to be a better leader. He needed me to not lead him blindly into that building. I can try. I'm just not ready. Don't hate me...Yan. I do still love you. I'm just not ready." Jack's brow knits together he shakes his head and makes a frustrated sound. "How can I make anyone a better person if I'm not a good person myself? I do need you..."

He can do it. He can go to New York. He can handle seeing all those he lost. He isn't going to ask him to stay here. He isn't going to make his 'ghost' and a prisoner. No. He'll -- "Wait. What? No. None of those things here. It's quiet the Rift has been quiet since..." He trails off threading fingers through familiar hair, sighing softly as Ianto's hands twist in material of his shirt. The captain murmurs into the Welshman's hair, "Whatever you want. I'll do whatever you want. Stay or go."

Ianto still finds confidence that he still knows things about Jack, that even his wife is a stranger to know. He knows at some point she'll surpass him in many of these areas. "I just wish, I just wish I didn't let it end. I would of followed him into Thames House to die in his arms. I would of broke him. I couldn't stand to see that happen to him."

He still hears his Jack's screams echo through the HUB from his flat under his office when he comes in before the birds wake. Ianto has left that responsibility to someone else now, while the screams aren't frequent like they were it's still hard to hear.

"There is nobody better than you, I would of followed you to stand up for something that was right. It's what we do. Us. It was just five of us standing up to the universe, a cold and vile universe that wanted us dead," Ianto's voice softens, he's willing to put his relationship with Logan aside. There is no relationship with that man, he knows it and he's spent more time alone in his own bed or in the HUB. "I don't hate you. I don't hate him either. I still look up to him."

He listens to the words of being needed, he stares at Jack's blood shot eyes, eyes that almost match his own. "I need you."

"Things of the past, it's better now. All of those horrible things are now gone," Ianto's eyes close at the contact from Jack, the warmth of those large but gentle fingers through his hair. "We'll go. I-I-I..." Ianto smiles. "I got a promotion, Jack's new second. Owen's still there, but well we all know Owen." Ianto had more power even before then, it was just left that way to keep the brilliant but lazy doctor happy. "There's space in my flat for you there."

Maybe this Jack isn't a collector, maybe Ianto has become one without knowing it. "If you don't mind sharing space. There's two others. No, no, nothing like that."

Edited 2010-10-20 03:14 (UTC)

"You were right. It did. I'm broken, and lost. I don't even know what to do with myself. I don't mean to sound bitter, but you would have been gone and never would have had to see me or him like /this/." He really does hate feeling this way. So lonely and hollow.

Hollow and fragile.

Empty.

Worst of all is the feeling like if he's dealt another blow he'll just shatter. He can't imagine what it would be like of he finally did just snap. Immortal and insane the consequence of that combination could be lethal.

"We were a blind group of fools. First my brother, my baby brother, broke us down, then...I was arrogant, cocky. I thought I could scare them. Big Bad Jack Harkness. Immortal. Impossible. Child of time. I helped the Doctor destroy the Daleks, bring down the Master. I could do anything..I was stupid and naive. Is it wrong of me to almost wish you did hate me? Maybe then it would make more sense." Jack sighs, he knows Ianto is right. They would have all followed him anywhere. They trusted his judgment and ability to lead to a fault. They stood at his side and protected /him/ to the best of their abilities. Him. The man who can never die.

"Good. I can't imagine a 'me' that would let things like that exist if he can help it. Or any of you not doing what you could to stop them." The captain's hand trembles ever so slightly as it continues its slow soothing motion through the Welshman's hair. Soothing Jack is sure for both of the men.

There's a sharp bark of a laugh that erupts from the immortal. Owen Harper. The man was/is a brilliant physician, excellent medical examiner, but Christ he was/is a terrible employee. He would have bitched and moaned endlessly, if Jack had ever promoted Ianto over him. Even if he was always late and never answered his cell when he was called. In Owen's mind his seniority came from the fact that he had put in more time at Torchwood Ianto. Even if he was unreliable. The immortal half smiles, "I can't say if I was in your's place I wouldn't have eventually done the same thing. Harper was/is just not quite leadership quality. You were always second in command in my Hub anyway whether it was spoken or not. I think the others knew, Owen was just a stubborn ass about it."

The Captain takes a deep breath inhaling the scent of the younger man's hair. Without realizing he's done so, he finds that he's nearly buried his face in the dark locks. He pulls his head back quickly whispering apologies whether they be for this man or the lost one he isn't sure, but part of him feels a sense of betrayal for so easily falling into old habits.

Finally, he mumbles quietly. "I don't mind. You aren't mine." The possessiveness of that word sounds wrong somehow he doesn't mean to make it seem as though he owned his own Ianto. That wasn't the case at all. "What I mean is.."

Shit.

The former confident captain find himself more and more these days stumbling over his words and second guessing what he's trying to say. There was a time Jack Harkness could have said /anything/. Now he finds himself lacking any confidence. Who could blame him? The loss shook him too his core. Made him doubt himself, his abilities. Made him wonder if anyone should ever trust him again. "Fuck..never mind. I don't even know what I mean anymore. Regardless, I don't mind."

"Then I'll find the Captain Jack that I know inside of you then. If you didn't love him then you wouldn't of broken. If you didn't love us," Ianto's digging for that strength he's gathered for these Jacks that run across him. He's a ghost to them, a ghost that none seem to be able to let go of sometimes.

There's something about this one. There's a voice in the back of Ianto's mind wanting to tell him it's far too soon for this one, but Ianto is following the voice of his heart this time.

"That's what we've always been. You still can do anything Jack, you're still human. Your Ianto doesn't hate you. Tosh and Owen don't hate you either. We all knew the risks of this job," Ianto pulls away from Jack for a bit, his hands going to dig into his thick arms when he speaks. "I know none of us would trade it for anything. A short life time with you is better than a long life with anyone else." Ianto knows for some like him or Owen, Jack was all they had to trust into.

He rests his head back on Jack's chest, he knows Owen is brilliant at saving lives. Ianto was just an office boy with more power than he knew.

He allows Jack his comfort, Ianto's eyes begin to close as he feels the need to rest take over him. "I don't mind either if I'm not. I'm still here for you. We can take our times getting back. I'll get you more food..I need clothes." Ianto knows he'll have to wear jeans and normal clothes. "You can see me in a pair of tight jeans cariad."

"You can try. I just don't know." He shakes his head. "I really don't." Maybe he should just help him get home, just go on like he has been. This is just too much. The swirling emotions circling around the immortal's head are starting to give him a headache.

Not his. Wrong. Stop. The voice whispers in his ear telling him he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be so comfortable. So relaxed. So willing to allow himself to betray his own by replacing him with this one. He's not. Is he? He doesn't think he is. Jack is treading on very thin ice. It's cracking beneath him and allowing the line that divides his own Ianto from this one bleed. He realizes how he's speaking and corrects most of the time, but other times he speaks as though he's talking to his own. The nagging sense of wrong won't leave him. Even if everything feels just right.

The weight lifts form his shoulder and the younger man's fingers circle around his arms forcing the captain's gaze to be drawn back to his eyes. He shifts it away quickly, guilty, frowning and speaking barely a whispering. "None of you should have had to. Knowing me shouldn't have cost anyone their lives. I'm just a man. I'm not meant to be this 'special'."

Immediately when the younger man's head rests back on his shoulder the captain finds his hands drawn back to touch his face, his hair, just him. He can't stop himself. He always had a problem keeping his hands to himself when it came to Ianto. "Good. Thank you." Jack rests his cheek on the Welshman's head. "Y..you always dii..did take such good c..care of me." He replies softly and draws a shaky breath. Jack is trying not to start crying again.

The comment about the jeans causes him to make an odd choked laugh. "Hmm..The last time you wore jeans we didn't even make it out of your flat. Shit..I don't even think we made it out of your bedroom." The immortal brushes his lips against the Welshman's temple not kissing. No. Just touching. Remembering. The 'ghost' at this point, mostly just a physical form to all of Jack's memories.

"I'll take care of you, I'll take care of you better than Gwen and Rhys could ever try to," Ianto at least knows Gwen is likely busy with a baby, Rhys never liked his Jack either so expects no different. He knows that the people who come through these universes are different, no Jack or Ianto are equal with different quirks and experiences.

He knows this is wrong, he shouldn't let this Jack cling to him but much like Jack he finds comfort. He's away from everything that has been making him miserable. His fingers interlace themselves in Jack's braces. Ianto was the point of keeping his Jack relatively sane, but he knows that too is only a matter of time.

"Please don't blame yourself," Ianto softly says, he feels strange sometimes to be the strong one. It's not him, this is something best left to someone like Jack or even Gwen. Maybe it's his new role in Torchwood that's given him this confidence. "You made me this way, to become more than just a quiet tea boy."

There's a cat-like grin on Ianto's face at the touching, of course Ianto knows Jack has little regard to personal space to those he's close to. The weight of Jack's head on his head is reassuring, his immortal even if it's not his immortal is a welcoming thing. "I always did cariad." He knows Alis is doing good with his own Jack, he makes sure of it anymore. The idea of seeing any Jack happy is a wonderful feeling.

He laughs again, he at least can try to lift the mood. "I'll sport a bit of a beard. Well I won't shave tomorrow, maybe we can go shopping."

Jack sighs softly. Ianto's right. Damn him he's almost always right. He will take care of him better. Gwen tries. She's tired though Jack knows it, and despite his assurances that he will be fine, she stubbornly insists on calling him daily to be sure he is.

Rhys? Well, that's another story entirely, while appreciative of the sacrifices Jack made to save the children, he never cared for the captain. Rhys always assumed there was something more going on between Gwen and the immortal. There never was. Jealousy is a funny thing."Yeah, I feel like I'm more of a burden on her. I think she feels obligated to take care of me. Like she's responsible in some way for what happened and she's making up for it. Rhys still hates me. Not as much as he used to. He's eased up a bit, but yeah he still does."

He really shouldn't be doing this. It's him though. And given a chance to have back the person in your life that ever mattered, wouldn't you take the chance? Or would you push them away? If you can have your love back, would you take him or just continue live with your memories. The conflict is Jack's mind is overwhelming. It's easier just to relax and take comfort in him. Even if the nagging voice in the back of his head is still whispering how wrong it is. It's steadily growing quieter. That can't be all that bad right? Being this close to him can't be that bad if the voice is getting quieter, can it?

"How can I not? Well, at least I did something right." Jack answers. The Welshman's lack of confidence had alway baffled the immortal. The younger man was intelligent, capable. He knew more than Jack did sometimes. And if the archivist didn't know the information off hand? He could find it. Jack knew that the Welshman never thought himself to be much of a leader, but in captains opinion Ianto would have made a much more competent leader, than himself.

"Thank you. I never did get a chance tell you how much that meant to me. I'm sorry for that."

A beard? The captain lifts his head and looks down at the younger man lifting a curious eyebrow and lets out a groan. "Huh..God. A beard? Yeah..that would be ni..nice." The captain fumbles over his words just a little at the thought of the Welshman with a beard /and/ tight jeans. It takes him a moment to gather his thoughts. "Uhh..umm.." Jack clears his throat. "Would you like to go to London? We can go shopping there? Relatively unnoticed." Jack caresses Ianto's cheek. "I haven't been there in a long long time."

Ianto knows the dynamics of his team, the new members while confusing have lessen the danger to a small degree. Ianto knows one day he'll have his day.

"Rhys isn't happy ours went back to work, thinks she'll miss out on too much with the baby. Torchwood's still a consuming job," Ianto knows this, he wishes it still wasn't. He almost wished they simply disbanded it, and found something else to do together.

He's wondering if this will push Logan to the edge, he figures that man knows why he clung to him. Ianto's not about to stick himself into any incoming shit storm with an ex, he's likely to run from one of those.

"You did lots of right things, Jack," Ianto tries to reassure this fragile Jack. He knows one thing is not to push the Torchwood issue, but maybe in time it wouldn't be bad.

The warmth from this is amazing, Ianto's eyes remain closed as he holds on tightly to his new found friend. "I still need proper clothes to go to London in. Of course, we could go elsewhere. London is not a good place for you."

"He never was happy with her working period. Families and Torchwood have never made a good mix." His mind runs over the 'family' had. Lucia took Alice away, to save her from him, because in the end the fiery Italian knew that Jack was no good for her.

She was right.

He took the one thing from Alice he could never replace. And he did so while for the right reasons the motivation was purely selfish. Payback. He'd sacrifice his own flesh and blood to deal justice for taking away Ianto. It had nothing to do with the children, okay it had something to do with them, but mostly Jack just wanted to make them pay. And he did. But it cost him what little family, actual family he had left.

"Maybe. But in the end the wrongs are a far greater number. I always said I molded Torchwood in the Doctor's image. I wanted it to be something that he would be proud of. The Doctor would never have done some of the things we did. Maybe I can try again. Some day."

Jack laughs an actual laugh bright and happy. "What do you mean? You can't go traipsing 'round in my pants and an undershirt?" He teases feeling a bit more like himself, only a bit though. "I would think it would be better than going with nothing at all, even if nothing would be preferred by myself. Alright then. We'll go shopping tomorrow here in Cardiff. Then you pick. We'll go anywhere else you'd like. You're the one who hasn't been home in awhile."

Jack has the means the can go anywhere Ianto would like. He can afford to buy him whatever clothes he'd want. He was heavily compensated by the government for their 'error in judgment', as though they could buy him off with a consolation prize for taking from him every thing he worked so hard for, everything that ever mattered. He had yet to even spend a dime of the money. He'd been living this whole time on the savings he had from his years of employment, quite frugally he might add and well below his means. He could do much better than this run down shit hole apartment. He just didn't see the need to bother.

If he cared to look he might find that he may even have enough money between his 'life savings' and the compensation package to single handedly rebuild Torchwood on his own. He never has cared much to look.

"I can go out on my own tomorrow if you like and get you something? Just to start." He murmurs softly. It isn't often these days he volunteers to do much of anything. He surprises himself by making the offer.

In fact, it was just by some strange luck he happened to be out at all the day before. Having decided his cramped apartment was suffocating him and wanting to get out for a bit was one of the best decisions he'd made in a long time. It won him this. This man who isn't his, but still treats him like he could be.

The immortal's rare venture out into the 'real' world rewarded. Maybe Ianto is right. Maybe the universe does need him to be /himself/. Maybe a random trip to the park to clear his head wasn't so random after all.

Who knows.

Jack does know that it's been a long time since he felt like he was alive, and if it takes a 'ghost' to help him? Who is he to ignore the offering.? He has eternity. One could argue that eternity living hollow and broken really isn't living at all. Up until now Jack would have argued that it didn't matter. That no matter what he'd go on. He'd be fine. He might be able to be persuaded to think otherwise and the Welshman is the perfect person to do so.

"No, but it can't always be helped, you know this," Ianto thinks to his Jack with his wife. The fact he's about to start that family of his again.

Then there's Patrick. An ex-wife is in the picture with a college aged son in the background. He loves that man still. He knows none of this is right. He should smack both of them to their senses.

"He tries, but The Doctor isn't always there when we need him most. He's got universes and galaxies to save. He's got to make sure we survive in the past," Ianto's understanding of this, he knows Torchwood isn't exactly in the image of Jack's mentor. "We do the best that we can do. Maybe someday. Maybe you'll find someone again someday." Ianto knows this is highly unfair to both of them.

"I've worn worse, I'll go out for a bit. I'm sure nobody would notice me, they've bloody well forgotten the sky was filled with spaceships and Daleks," Ianto laughs a little bit, he stares down at the pants and then undershirt. "The perfect disguise. I'll forget to shave to add to it."

He'd like Jack to go with him, just to get him out to try living again. "We should go out. Not as lovers, it's not right to your Ianto. Friends. You're hurting still and we're going to fool both of ourselves." Ianto's logic is fighting with his heart, for now logic is winning out but for how long. "Maybe it would be best for you to work again. To prove to yourself you, Captain Jack Harkness are not a monster."

No, the Doctor isn't always there when they need him the most.

Over a century, Jack worked to mold Torchwood into what he finally made it. Slowly at first then steadily more quickly toward the beginning of the 20th century.

After, Alex killed the entire team and himself to ring in the New Year and new century, the immortal took his time choosing his new team. He really did want to build something in tribute to the Doctor. The man who turned his life around. Who showed him he had a choice.

And for what?

To be left hanging by his 'savior' when he needed him the most.

Tossed aside and left to fend for himself.

And what a fine job of that he did.

The one time besides finding him again, that Jack /really/ needed the Doctor the Time Lord let him down. He let them all down. The Doctor should have been there to help deal with the 456. He could have solved it. He would have known what to do.

Instead, Jack was left to figure it out for himself, and while he captain isn't completely incompetent, he wasn't prepared to handle what the monsters asked for.

And he fucked it all up.

Yeah..in regard to the earth the outcome was the desired one. but the cost....Jack just can't get over the /cost/. Part of him just doesn't think that saving the children was worth his losses.

If only the Doctor would have come and helped him.

If only he had done what he always did.

If only he had heard those familiar engines and that fantastic man in his brown trench coat, blue suit and disheveled hair had stepped out and made those horrible monsters cower in their man made habitat. Bent them to his will and saved the Earth. The EARTH the planet the Time Lord claimed he loved so much. How could he stand by and just let them come so close to failing?

The captain doesn't know if he could ever forgive the Time Lord. He just doesn't know. He trusted the Doctor, like his team trusted /him/, and blindly Jack followed. And he was let down. He feels some days like everything he believed in for the last century and a nearly half was a lie. His whole life from the day he met the Doctor and Rose brought him back has be a lie.

Some days he thinks if he ever saw the Time Lord again he'd kill him.

Some days Jack thinks he should go back to the old ways of Torchwood and consider the Doctor an enemy of the Earth. He shakes physically to push the thoughts from his mind and listen again to what Ianto has to say.

"True. Funny how easily they forget. And we. We never seem to." He chuckles a bit softly. "It really is. Ianto Jones master of disguise." The immortal smiles into the Welshman's hair. The younger man always so proper and clean cut, in his freshly pressed suits and ties, it's difficult to imagine Ianto going out in these somewhat baggy pants unshaven. The captain 'huhs' and furrows his brow. "I tend to attract a bit of attention. Do you think going out around /here/ together is a good idea?"

"I..I don't expect..Lovers?.." He blinks stupidly and twists his head to look at the Welshman a moment. The immortal is take aback by the next comment. He honestly hadn't really put much thought into anything more than a bit of harmless physical contact. Comfort. Like an old blanket the Welshman's head on his chest merely comfort to him. He almost pushes Ianto away but the need to feel him against him wins out. "Did you think? I..No. I didn't expect any more than friends. I just miss you. This.." The captain's hand brushes over Ianto's cheek. "This is just a warm blanket. A comfort. A habit. I can stop if you want. If you would be more comfortable."

He takes a deep breath before continuing. Going back to work? And do what? Hunt Weevils, search for Hoixes, and wrangle Blowfish? He scoffs softly. He can't even properly keep an eye on the Rift right now. Going back to work "I don't know. I don't have any equipment. No monitors. No supplies...I could acquire the necessary items. I'm not sure if I /want/ to."

Ianto would hate to see Torchwood slip back into the old ways, it's become a image of doing what's right.

The Doctor of course was having a big going crazy problem when Earth had problems. Ianto thinks to the ones who have found themselves in the HUB, the one with the bow ties who made a mess of the New York HUB kitchen wasn't any better than any of them.

His opinion of the Time Lord is uncertain, but he's glad they're not on a dead Earth now.

"It maybe easier for them, then again who knows who it inspired," Ianto muses quietly, he's sure the Daleks and the Earth being moved has brought to life some brilliant minds. "No, I may take a walk later to simply take a look around. I'm sure people won't notice me."

Ianto then begins to blush, okay he was wondering for a bit then he chuckles. "Sorry, my mind did wander a little bit." He clears his throat and he tries to get his cheeks to loose the flushness that came to them. Ianto doesn't mind being held, he knows this part of Jack well. Its nice to find a healing Jack who's not looking to weasel his way into his pants. "It's okay, I don't mind you holding me."

"We have everything in New York, but of course if you're not ready for work it's okay," Ianto smirks, as he buries his head back into Jack's shoulder. The warmth of the immortal is pleasurable as that, a close friend. "You should heal and rediscover yourself first."

"Yeah. It was pretty incredible. The sky..it was amazing." He nods he can agree to that. Get out for a bit. Why not. "Sure. We can do that. It'll be nice. We can see how much attention we get."

The captain sits up a little and moves to look at the Welshman. "Now you're mind is thinking like mine? Or rather like mine used to." He snorts and laughs. "That's funny." Jack smiles softly. "Thank you. That's all I'm asking for. Just this."

"New York. Right..I do? Yes..I do, but maybe working for a bit will help. I couldn't hurt. I wouldn't be leader. Might be nice to not have that responsibility."

"I never got outside, we were locked inside the HUB thanks to Tosh's Time Lock," Ianto could of only imagined what would of happened if that Dalek managed to get inside of the HUB with his best friends. He knows it wouldn't of been much of a party and he doubts they would of enjoyed coffee or Owen's cheap porn.

"I'm the walking dead you know," Ianto chuckles just a little bit, he recalls something and it couldn't be worse. "We had our share of Rift manipulated zombies to last us a life time."

There's a wry look on Ianto's face, the confidence of his new role has proven successful, okay so he turned into a bit of a drippy mess in this Jack's arms. "We'll find that dirty little mind of yours again. Of course, that's if you want it to be found."

"Yes, New York, it's well rather surreal," Ianto will admit about the new work they have there. "It did make sense for the Rift to be more than just Cardiff. We've got reports of activity happening Mexico."

"It was..indescribable. Tosh was incredible. She was brilliant. I don't even know what would have happened if she hadn't lock you all in there. Owen could have sarcasm'd the Daleks to death no doubt." Jack laughs. That method probably would never have worked, but he doesn't doubt for a second that the medic couldn't have at least confused the aliens for a little while.

The captain snorts and rolls his eyes a bit with a slight smile. "Yeah. Don't remind me. Except you aren't dead. Not anymo--You weren't you fixed it."

The captain smirks and quirks an eyebrow. "Who am I without that dirty mind of mine? It feels nice to actually feel almost me. Thanks you. I'll probably fall apart again before the day is over, but even if it's just for a little while it's nice."

"I don't understand. The rift was always localized to Cardiff. Nearly a century and a half it hadn't changed. What changed it now?." It was true it hadn't moved as far as Jack--well actually the time that the Abaddon broke through the Rift was fracturing all over the world. Was that the start of it? It might have been. It doesn't matter nothing can change what's already happening. "Mexico? I've never been to Mexico. Maybe going back to work wouldn't be so bad. It would give me a chance to travel."

"I had seen images of it from CCTV. It was dreadful outside of the HUB," Ianto considers he knows they're lucky for the Doctor, he thinks to the Master and those things. "Ah, yes Owen and his sarcasm, he'd sarcasm anything to death." It's good to find common memories to get this Jack to at least feel better. "We had a straggler in a Canal Street Subway tunnel, well a couple that went to sleep. Oh, no worries we got rid of them."

Ianto recalls those zombies, the zombies that came from an alien living in the host body of a hospital patient. He shudders and took a beating, he's got scars on his body from that. "I never was dead, I'd like to get a few more years of living."

"Nope. You didn't spend much time reading did you? All of those Torchwoods scattered across the world, of course our threats weren't all localized to cracks in time and space," Ianto's starting to wonder for a moment, there's a moment of brilliance. "I'd say it's almost like we're just sitting on one fault line out of many." Ianto wonders if Owen made it worse, or it's now something else all together. "Yes, Mexico of course there's plenty of alien activity in that sector. It's always been, but the American military likes to thumb its nose into it."

He laughs a little bit about the idea of a trip to Mexico. "I haven't been there either. I went to visit the old outpost in Canada. We closed it down, not like it was an issue due to the slowness of the staff during hockey season."

The captain is tired..

Mostly tired of thinking about everyone.

"You know I never spent much time reading. Shit, I don't even think I read half the reports I signed off on." He rubs his eyes with his free hand and groans softly. "I suppose that makes sense. I'm sure our tampering with it didn't help matters."

Of course the American military would they they always thought they were so much better than everyone else. That they know everything. "Well. I suppose I don't know as much about things as I thought I did."

"Hockey? I never have understood that sport. I wouldn't mind traveling. It's been so long since I really traveled. Maybe going back with you might be worth it if I can travel." He closes his eyes and doesn't even realize that his fingers are lazily moving lightly over the material of his own shirt on the younger man's back.

The movement gentle, affectionate and bordering the edge of being a bit more than just friendly. Jack stills his hand and clenches his fist behind the younger man's back. Not his. Not his. Not his.

"The coffee's cold." He mumbles hoping it's enough to get them up and moving. It's what Ianto wants right? To help him start /doing/ something again. "Did you still want pizza? We can eat. Then go out for a bit? Before it gets to late?"

"Habits of Captain Jack Harkness, they known many of the same universe, a universal quirk," Ianto tries to push the conversation away from the past of this Captain. He knows of Tosh and Owen's deaths, he prevented the fates of his own due to use of future knowledge. "Of course not, or it was bound to happen."

Ianto gave Jack a small nod of his head, he made it his job to keep up on these things while Jack went to save the world. "It was all apart of the job."

"You'll enjoy American football then, large men in tight pants piling on top of each other," Ianto laughed, he didn't get that one either but he knows Jack might find humor in it. "Traveling is all part of the job sometimes." Then there's a pause and mock look of fright. "You're suggesting a road trip, sir? If you're thinking I'm going to smoke unhealthy amounts of pot, you're going to be sadly mistaken."

Still he likes the idea of encouraging more travel. "The last place I visited was Puerto Rico for Jack's wedding. I'll note the Welsh are not made for tropical climates. We tend to burn." Ianto slouches back into the couch, the contact of Jack's fingers along the fabric of his shirt is comforting.

"I'll make another pot. You can order the pizza."

"Funny how that works right? Nice to know we're all basically the same. We all have an allergy to paperwork." Another is living forever, but why bring that up they both already know that. "Maybe it was. I just can't help think that our tampering might have played a bigger part in it."

"You were always better at keeping up with those sort of things. That's one of the reasons you were the best at your job. You attention to those details that I would over look." Jack knows a lot. A lot more than he lets on. He spent a lot of days sitting in his office claiming to pretend to do paperwork.

The cluttered mess of files on his desk steadily expanding. Not because Jack actually refused, but because he was taking his time reading them one by one. If one paid close enough attention to the files on his desk you'd be able to tell that they weren't always in the same place. Jack paid a lot more attention than people gave him credit for. He just found it amusing that everyone alway /assumed/ he wasn't doing the paperwork. So he just played alog.

How he missed /this/ is beyond him. Rift activity in other countries? Not entirely far fetched, but for whatever reason somewhat unexpected.

Jack tilts his head away from Ianto and laughs again with the clear chipper laugh that he had almost forgotten existed. "Large men in tight pants piling on top of each other? Where do I sign up?." He stares down at the younger man and his mildly comical expression and tries with a considerable amount of effort to remain serious replying. "I am suggesting a road trip. Are you suggesting you'd come with me?" The immortal grins. That familiar flirty grin that made the Doctor stop any of Jack's conversation just after that exact grin. "I suppose not now that's out though since my plans have been foiled."

The immortal grins it falters only briefly before Jack corrects it. It was nothing. He realizes how much fun he's having. That he was laughing and having a carrying on a conversation with someone without crying.

"Puerto Rico? How extravagant. Was it nice there? Aside from your lack of sun tolerance." The image of Ianto in something more tropical as far as clothing bring a bit of a smile to the captains face. "Well you might have to take my advice and get out of those suits a nit more.

How about /I/ make the coffee and you please order. You know the number. You know what I like. I can't mess up with this coffee maker. I think it's why Gwen got it for me. "If you don't mind of course.

"It is amusing," Ianto knew Jack did go through his stuff, he did it at his own pace and on those restless nights. Jack knew more than most let on, Ianto and Alisa knew this well. "Nobody knows, we suspect one of the many Doctors is responsible. Typical Time Lords."

Ianto avoids mention of Master or the one who resembles Master, he places a hand to his head. It's on the side of being confusing with the various alternates that seem to run around. "It would explain some areas, but we never did fully understand the Rift. I suspect this has nothing to do with the Rift, but the entire fracturing of the universes. It's why I'm here."

He knew Jack would find some humor in that, it's Jack's style after all. Ianto smiles a the suggestion. "I believe you missed try outs to go pro." Ianto could only imagine it, he can't help but to laugh out loud. "You would be the only one willing to be tackled." Then there's a mention of a road trip once more. "I would come. You do know I hate camp." Ianto's voice is dead serious there, he doesn't want to be considered food for anyone especially cannibals. "That's my purpose in life right? It's to keep you out of trouble." Ianto thinks of somewhere they could go that would be nice. "We can figure somewhere nice when we get to New York. America is a big place."

"It was nice there," Ianto will admit, there's a bit of a blush. He knows Jack would love a burnt Ianto. "And, yes coffee does grow on trees there." He knows for now he does have to get out of those suits, he looks at the white undershirt he's in. "This counts. You'll get to see me out of suits more often. I rather not chance a gun in my face that's not Torchwood related.

Ianto gives Jack a horrified look. "You make coffee? I'm surprised you didn't burn the apartment down." He's almost scared to say yes. "I can do both, they know my voice at the pizza place."

"No. This is nothing typical of Time Lords. Not my matter though. You have your own team and Jack to sort it all out." Jack rubs his temple. It is logical that the Rift could be like an artery and that the rest of the cracks were stem from it. But to blame the Doctor? No. The Doctor should be blamed for for a lot of things. Not being there when the 456 arrived for starters, but causing what ever this multidimensional 'bleeding' is. The immortal doubts it.

The Welshman is possibly right what they are experiencing may have nothing to do with the Rift at all an everything to do with the universe being in a fragile state and it's walls are becoming brittle and are starting to crack. If that's the case then they're work is really going to be cut out for them. I might be fun.

The captain 'Tsks' amused. "That's too bad. I think you might just be right about that. Who wouldn't want to be on the bottom of a pile of men? Well besides possibly Owen..." The captain raises an eyebrow and looks at the younger man seriously for a moment. "There would be /absolutely/ no camping what so ever." The immortal tilts his head and smiles at Ianto "Keep me out of trouble, make a serious cup of coffee, and look hot in a suit...and out of one, just to name a few."

Jack catches himself about to make a comment more than likely to the effect of 'he'd like to see him out of the suit all the time.' but holds his tongue. The whispering voice in the back of his mind still proclaiming 'not his not his'. The nagging reminder that no matter how much he wants it to be true, this Ianto is not /his/ Ianto. Jack nods, "Yes it does. and lets not chance that we'll make sure that doesn't happen."

Why does everyone find it so shocking that in fact /yes/ Jack can make coffee. It's not like its all that difficult. especially on this machine. You just measure the coffee in to the filter add water and press start. The coffee starts brewing and then they started drinking it. He scoff is mock anger. "Yes.. I can make coffee. You're right about them knowing you're voice but I think they might be monitoring your location." Jack Chuckles softly and shakes his head gently. "No I haven't burned the place down.....yet. If you'd feel more comfortable handling it then go right a head."

"It could be something that not even Torchwood can figure out and fix," Ianto will admit that not everything is within it's understanding and ability to repair. Ianto likes his idea of it being a fault line but still that mystery remains.

He knew from earlier they had a lot of work to do with this Rift, from werewolves and insane doubles that still wander through some of the cracks. Ianto knows they need all of the help they can get. They're down a team member due to maternity and having that gap filled would be nice.

There's a pause for thought from Ianto. "I think only you, sir. I would like to breathe without broken ribs and a concussion." Ianto holds up a finger with a grin on his face. "I could do all of that in the Hub, but we could find somewhere nice to visit."

Ianto knows that maybe deep down, this Jack still would like more from him but Ianto smiles. "If time wants us together it'll be. Your heart's still heavy from your loss."

"I know you can, your coffee isn't bad. You would rather like my machine back in New York, it's got a strange sense of survival. It electrocutes anyone who is not me," Ianto chuckles, he has had no coffee machine breaks since one half-bread by the name of Theta Sigma fixed the last one. "I brought one of those to keep Owen happy." Ianto looks at the simple coffee machine in the kitchen. "I'll let you make the coffee. I'll call for the pizza then."

"True. This may just be unresolvable. Time travel has always been a tricky thing." If the conditions there are as busy as Jack thinks they might be then the level of distraction might just be what he needs. Besides, who wouldn't want /another/ man who can't die on their side? It would be like having a second ace in the hole.

"True you could do all those things in the Hub, but finding someplace...new...to.."Jack swallows the lump starting to form in his throat. As nice as taking a trip across America with this Ianto sounds he still isn't /his/. His will /never/ get to go on a trip with the captain. His lover is gone, they never got to do any of the things that 'couples' do. Especially, since Jack so adamantly proclaimed his hatred for that particular word.

With a furrowed brow he looks back at the Welshman. "I just struggling against some conflicting emotions. I don't want to make you uneasy."

The captain nods and shifts himself so he can stand. He picks up the two mugs from the table and heads into the kitchen to rinse them out and start a new pot. "My phone is in my coat pocket. I'll get the coffee. Good thing you finally found one smart enough it won't let Owen mess it up. I swear that he got some sort of sick pleasure from messing with the old one."

"It has been, we've tried to close some but only more reopen," Ianto's heard much about time travel. "I've yet to get my feet wet there." Ianto would never imagine using anyone like that, he thinks it's terrible that Jack has been used in such away.

He laughs and another cross country trip would be nice. "We can try, let us see where we are come the spring. The middle portion tends to be covered in snow come winter. I would like to see Seattle." Ianto waves a finger in the air. "I'd like to give a few Starbucks executives a piece of my mind."

"I know, I understand the emotions you're dealing with, I had to deal with them after Lisa's 'death'," Ianto admits, he knows how it feels to deal with those you love after they pass. Death is a warm friend to everyone, Captain Jack Harkness isn't alone there.

Ianto stands himself up to head over into the bed room, he stares at Jack's coat that was just thrown in a heap. "You do need to take better care of your coat." He still loves that coat, he picks it up to look at it. He's sure this is the same coat that was given to him by his Ianto. He carefully takes a pair of hangers to hang it up on and he hangs it up on a hook on the door. "Someone fixed it for me. Yes, and I got an even sicker pleasure in making sure he had decaff."

Thin layers. The parallel universes stacked like old cloth, frayed and tattered worn thinner than any of them ever imagined, and apparently bleeding through worse than they could have known. Not exactly something they teach you at the Time Agency. They'll have to make this up as they go along. Hopefully, the decisions they make won't effect the long term out come. If repairing some of the crack just causes more to open then they may find themselves like little boys with their fingers on the cracks in the dam. The efforts may, in the end prove to be futile. Preparing for the chance that the walls between the worlds may crumble might be an option they should consider. And something that the captain may take up with the other Jack when he finally does go to New York.

If he does go. Going to that New York would leave /his/ Cardiff open and vulnerable. Something that it honestly hasn't really been in all the years that the immortal his lived here. He's always been here to help protect it. There couldn't be too much harm in leaving it for a little while. Just to get away. Like a well earned vacation. A chance to start over and catch his breath.

There couldn't be too much harm in that could there?

Besides if the walls between the worlds are as worn as they seem then it shouldn't be too difficult to travel back and forth.

Right?

Jack smiles a bit at the younger man. "I hear Seattle is similar to Cardiff." He chuckles and rolls his eyes. "You would. I'm sure you have a lot to say to those self proclaimed coffee gods."

"I know. I..tend to forget you've been in a similar situation. I all but blocked those memories out. We were different men back then. Things like this are never easy." Sometimes Harkness you can be an insensitive self-centered asshole. How could you honestly forget the suffering he went through? Ianto was so blinded by his love that he nearly got everyone killed clinging to his hope.

The off chance that either man could be trapped in a world that isn't their own /finally/ catches up with the captain as he finishes preparing the pot to brew fresh coffee. What if they can't get back? In either direction. Jack isn't entirely sure he could leave his world exposed like that. He couldn't even stay gone after Ianto's death. He was drawn back here by his duty.

He's pulled from his thoughts by the Welshman's voice coming from his bedroom. He's right. He's always right. Jack should take better care of his coat. Especially /that/ coat. The replacement for the one destroyed in the Hub explosion. Hand picked by his lover. It's not his original coat, but it's far more valuable, and lately Jack has just been carelessly tossing it aside.

Tired, depressed and lonely he hardly cared about his appearance or if the coat was cared for properly. He just flung aside it letting it land where ever it fell, so use to the Welshman picking up after him, taking it to the cleaners, hanging it in it's proper place. Jack couldn't bring himself to do those things on his own. They weren't his job. They were Ianto's

"You're right. I need to do that. I need to pull my head out of my ass and do a lot of things." He calls back as he rinses the mugs and waits for the pot to finish brewing. "Oh I bet you did. Thankfully, I never made him angry enough to switch me to decaff. He did threaten to cut off my coffee supply once. It was some silly argument though and I made it up to him. I was always good about making things up to him."

Ianto will make sure to let this Jack see how bad it can be, there are areas where one can simply walk through to another universe and some are able to be repaired. He wonders how long many of those repairs would even last. He glances out at the window while he makes the phone call to order the pizza, he deepens his voice to make sure there's no 'wtf' happening among the pizza staff. He ordered two meat feasts, he knew Jack well. "You'll love New York's pizza." He knew Cardiff pizza was horrible, but Cardiff was home.

He's followed up with his own Cardiff when he could and things are no worse there than in New York. UNIT has taken over there and he suspects they've already did so here with Torchwood being defunct.

If things here are like that broken London, then travel between worlds here should be easy enough.

"It is, it rains except the mountain views are rather splendid," Ianto would admit to wanting to relocate to a city like that. It seems peaceful and without threatening aliens wanting to eat them.

Ianto hangs the phone up, he hands it back over to Jack and he goes to get his cup of coffee. He goes to take a sip of it, it's not bad. "Love is blind they say." Ianto still is coping with the death of Lisa and many of the members of Torchwood One, he's made a big stride but there are nights he finds himself waking up in a deep sweat from his own nightmares.

"I gave mine his new coat, I know yours gave you this one. It wasn't easy finding one in good shape for you. You felt naked without it," Ianto smiles, as he fixes the coat up on the hanger and he makes sure it is still in good shape and didn't become food for some hungry moths. "Captain Jack shouldn't be without his cape." He no longer helps Jack with his coat, he's left that job to his wife who's done a good job in his place. He does not dare add any information of her own curse.

Ianto slips back into the kitchen with his hands in his pockets. He looks at Jack. "While we're there we will begin looking for that Rift to New York. I'd like to get there before winter sets in, it was rather cold and snowy during the last."

"Oh? Will I now?. I've heard it's some of the best there is." Ianto would know. No one would know better than him what he would like. Some times Jack wondered if the Welshman didn't know him better than even he knew himself. He busies himself in the kitchen pouring them each a fresh cup of coffee and setting them on the counter, while he wipes the the opposite counter. Tidying up because to be honest the place is a disaster.

"Might be worth looking into. Might make a nice home away from home. Close enough to Cardiff to keep me comfortable." He'll think about it. Might really be worth checking into. He could use a change of sorts, Cardiff has been home for nearly a century and a half. It probably wouldn't kill him to try someplace new.

He pockets the phone and offers a small smile "It would seem they're right. I'm sorry..for not understanding that before. And I wasn't him, but I was I'd be sorry too. I appreciate you being so understand where I really wasn't." There it is again the crack in his voice and the bit of composure he had a fleeting grasp of starts to dissolve. "He did. He said he had a hell of a time finding just the /right/ one. I really did..like I was missing something important."

Always taking care of him. The immortal should try harder to do these things himself. It just doesn't feel right. Watching this Ianto hang his coat feels right. The way the Welshman's hand sweeps over it so carefully to be sure it's straight and neat. The coat almost treated as though it was part of the captain. As though without it he'd be incomplete. Maybe in someways Jack Harkness isn't really anyone without his 'cape' as the Welshman so fondly calls it.

"Sure. We should best get back before the winter gets too bad." He nods and continues cleaning up the counters in the tiny kitchen. Then tosses the rag in the sink and picks up his coffee mug to take a drink. "When ever you're ready."

"Yes, you'll have to be careful with your addiction to trans-fats," Ianto teased, he knows Jack like a book. He laughs a little bit. "We do get a bit of travel between the other local areas, New Jersey is oddly active." Ianto takes the cup of coffee, there's a moment of truth he takes a drink of Jack's coffee. He's been so busy taking the job of the tea boy he never gave Jack's own coffee second thought. He takes a sip and he pauses. "It's not bad." He's being serious about this one. They've all considered Jack a possible nightmare in the kitchen himself included.

Ianto takes another drink of his coffee, it's a lot better than just being 'not bad'. "It's pretty good." He smirks, but the idea of home away from home. "That was Jack's reasoning, New York isn't too far from Cardiff and it had the space to create another HUB in." He still has bouts of homesickness during the times he would of spent time with his sister and the kids.

"Love is blind and it takes the blind to follow it," Ianto's voice becomes soft. He looks back over his shoulder to see Jack had watched him take care of his coat. He then looks back to stare at that old coat, sure the new one didn't have the decades worth of Jack's scent buried in to the fibers but it's still part of him. "Superman feels the same without his cape." He laughs a bit, he gets an odd image of Jack playing a role in a film for the Man of Steel. "Don't let Hollywood know that you exist, the dimple in your chin makes you perfect for a summer blockbuster."

Ianto tries to get the voice to stop from cracking, a sad Jack is horrible. "The good thing about those bloody cold New York winters is a shared bed." He has a bit of an Owen thing to pick-up on. "Oh, we had more snow than I'd like. There's Weevils in New York, crafty buggers this lot and we suspect they're coming from one of the Cardiffs. Bloody pain in the arse chasing them on ice."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only